I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just tell him i said nine months
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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