road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
