So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I believe in your delicious
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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