stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
