I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
