Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm experimenting with sincerity
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
