And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
