so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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