whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
she woke up with a sticky ear
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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