Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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