I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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