Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize