Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I currently don't understand fingers.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
