put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
