1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
