After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
