Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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