Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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