Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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