marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
the condom got lost in my hair
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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