Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
