his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
