I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
