big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize