i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I would ride that face into the sunset
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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