I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
