OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
