Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
