My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i permit you to call me
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
