he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
In other news, I just burned my penis
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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