We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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