I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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