I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
