I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
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