he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize