Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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