I am puke
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Randomize
