the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
