I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize