I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
