apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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