I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
