If you die in college, do you die in real life?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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