The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
