When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
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