She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
