This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
