I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
vagina is talking i cant
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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