lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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