speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
my liver is dry heaving
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
