Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
