All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I cannot find my penis.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
