I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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