The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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