my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
