my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
