I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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