Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
