i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
