He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
