she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
