If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize