Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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