I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
someone threw a dead crab at me
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
50% drunk capacity currently
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
