She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
