you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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