He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
