I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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