Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
