Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
