Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
