So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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