I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
