just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
How external is "for external use only"?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
