No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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