did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
