Moan for me like Helen Keller
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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