apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
