Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize