I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
