I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
