you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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