He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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