Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
