Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
