I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
