Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You took a bar mat shot.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
